Remember me
by StillbornAngel
Summary: AU. Memory is slowly but surely fading and Usagi fights to make the person she cares for remember her


Disclaimers: No, the characters do not belong to me  
  
Author's note: This is an AU! I do know, that things didn't happen that way, but I somehow got the idea to start this fic. Please don't read it, if you don't like the idea of an alternate universe.  
  
Warnings: Extreme angst alert.  
  
**  
  
Remember me  
  
**  
  
I don't know when it started anymore. My memory is nothing but a bunch of small sherds that cannot be reconstructed again. Like a vase. Once broken it will never be the same again. Some pieces are just too tiny to be found. So even if you'd stick the shards together, the result would never be the one it was before being broken. But, truth be told, maybe I just don't want to remember anymore.  
  
*  
  
I met him at the age of seventeen. Seventeen, you'll probably say now. At an age like that you cannot be sure of anything. What teenager knows at that time, what will become out of their lives? But I met him at that time and defined my future that certain day.  
  
*  
  
He was young, barely a year older than me with a certain spirit that both fascinated and amazed me. His energy was one of a kind, it drew me to him. Made me want to know him better than my own self. He tried to grab at the stars. Tried to catch the rain to make the sun come out again. I think he never noticed that he was the sun, my sun in so many ways. He brightened my world. No, don't misunderstand me. He didn't live a illusion. He never built up a dream world in which he could live. He lived his dream out. He lives his life like no one I've ever met before.  
  
He taught me how to live.  
  
*  
  
With hindsight I recognize that I should have never relied on him as much as I actually did. Maybe everything would have turned out differently. At least it wouldn't have hurt so damn much.  
  
*  
  
We were one heart and one soul. Inseparable. I was always knowing what he what thinking. Why he was laughing or smiling. Why we would become sad or angry. I read him like an open book, there were no such things as secrets between us. As if we had a certain link that connected our lives. I already did know back then that our relationship was so very special. There were hardly any people who were granted such an magnificent bond.  
  
*  
  
I knew of the small things that represented him. Things that aren't shown to everybody. Things that one can discover with time and closeness.  
  
*  
  
When did it start? The beginning of the end? His gaze. So quiet, so dead.  
  
*  
  
They were banalities. If only I'd paid more attention. He forgot to do the laundry or to take the car keys with him. Nothing special, nothing that couldn't count as something ordinary. If only it had caught my eyes back then.  
  
*  
  
It was weeks later that I finally became aware that something was wrong. We arranged a meeting downtown because we wanted to go out afterwards. I came five minutes early, I can still remember that. The sky was cloudy, there was soft mizzle. I waited the whole of an hour, then I drove to him and demanded an answer to why he didn't come.  
  
*  
  
He had forgotten our date. He told me that our meeting totally slipped his mind because of the imminent final exams. His eyes were so full of sadness and regret when he apologized and promised to make it up again. He apologized throughout the whole night and I forgot about the incident.  
  
*  
  
In the near future everything normalized again. I didn't notice what desperate efforts he made to appear normal. He tried so hard to be what I wanted him to be. He tried to show me the side of him that was slowly but surely dwindling away. I think at that time I already didn't know him anymore. On second thought though... On second thought, maybe it was him who didn't know me anymore.  
  
*  
  
About a month later his final exams came up. He had learned days and nights to memorize the stuff from his different subjects. Once in a while I questioned him to see how well he was doing. And I must admit that he did a pretty damn good job at learning all those definitions and formulas. Later that day I heard from an acquaintance that he didn't appear at the school. That left me confused. I didn't understand why in the world he wouldn't take part in the exams he studied so hard for. When I confronted him he just told me that he didn't feel like attending. He sounded so indifferent. For the first time I became scared.  
  
*  
  
We didn't meet for a week after that incident. I was afraid. So afraid of this side of him. Maybe afraid because I finally became aware of the fact that I didn't knew him at all anymore. He seemed like a stranger to me. A stranger that held the second half of my heart. I called him up after eight days when I couldn't bear the silence between us anymore. His mother was surprised to say the least. Told me that her son didn't come home since the day before yesterday. She was in the opinion her son was with me.  
  
*  
  
That was when I went out to search for him. I had a certain feeling where I would find him.  
  
*  
  
It rained. Yes, it rained. Looking at it, the weather fit the atmosphere in which I found him in very nicely. He sat near the bank of a lake, trembling slightly from the cold. This was the place he went to when he needed calmness and privacy. His inner peace so to speak.  
  
*  
  
He didn't look up when I found him. Just stared at the water beneath him. Followed the different patterns the rain formed. I laid my hand on his shoulder and sat down next to him. He closed his eyes and then finally moved his head to throw a glance at me. His eyes were dull, lost was the mischievous brightness in them. And he was probably as lost as the light in his eyes. Helpless and lost.  
  
*  
  
He got astray, he told me. Didn't know how to find back home anymore. I took him into my arms and he sobbed into my chest, while I whispered quiet nothings into his ear. After some time he finally stopped crying. I pushed his black hair out of his face and kissed the remainder of his tears away. Silence engulfed us. And then the leaned forwards, brushing his lips against my ear. His voice was hoarse and broken when he whispered the words to me, that will haunt me forever.  
  
*  
  
It became worse. Daily. My life broke with his. I tried everything possible to help him. I brought him to different doctors, to springs that were rumored to be curing. I tried everything, explained the world to him, told him how to use cutlery or how use the restroom. But even though I explained everything time and time again, he couldn't seem to remember them. I was so close to give up. Screamed and shouted when I was alone. One single time I broke down in front of him, sobbed that I couldn't take it anymore. He laid his arms around me for comfort.  
  
"Let it go." He whispered and I shook my head no.  
  
"Let it go." He repeated, while my sobbing became stronger. I knew what he meant. Oh God, yes, I knew what he meant, but I couldn't grant him his wish, egoistical as I was.  
  
"Let it go," he breathed one third time, " don't hurt yourself anymore."  
  
I cupped his cheeks with both of my hands and looked at him with moist eyes.  
  
"I can't..." I told him, my voice cracking, "I can't let you go." Not as long as you still remember me.  
  
*  
  
But his gaze extinguished. I disavowed it, didn't want to see it. Constantly I told him my name so he wouldn't forget it. I called on him to repeat it, again and again. Like a prayer.  
  
*  
  
The first time he looked at me as if I'd finally gone crazy. Then he smiled and did what I asked of him. He knew I was afraid. Afraid of the words he told me. Afraid of them to become true.  
  
*  
  
But then his voice began to tremble. As if he needed to put effort in just naming this single word. Soon my name became the only thing he was still able to speak out. I took him away from his family, wanting to spend the little time we had with him alone. I cooked for him, I fed him, I cared for him.  
  
Often he would look at me with those eyes that spoke of a silent plea to release him. To finally let him go.  
  
But I couldn't. He was my life, my everything. How was I supposed to let him go?  
  
*  
  
I prayed. Yeah, I never prayed before, but I started it. If only he would get better again. If only he would regain the light in his eyes once more.  
  
His eyes, however, lost their last glance. Any kind of passion extinguished. All the same his will to live. Just the silent plea remaned.  
  
*  
  
I knew what he wanted but wasn't able to grant it. Touched his cheeks and kissed him, without him returning the movement of my lips. I took him by the hand and lead him through the world Dependent on me. But still alive.  
  
Many peasants would walk by and look at us strangely, but I didn't mind. As long as he was with me.  
  
*  
  
Soon my name was the only thing he was still able to name and hardly some days later he wasn't even able to do that anymore.  
  
I repeated my name for him. All the time. I wrote it onto his palm so maybe he could read it. But, tried as I might, I couldn't get him to speak out my name again.  
  
That day I finally broke down. It wasn't dramatic or anything. We were walking through yet another town, I wanted to bring him to another doctor, maybe this one would be able to help him. We never made it, however. My legs just gave in. From one second to the other I was laying on the ground, not knowing how to get up. I pulled my legs close to my chest and cried for all it was worth it. A woman came by and asked me if everything was alright. I shook my head weakly. Nothing was alright. My life was crumpling down before my very eyes. She offered me her hand to help me up and I took it after some minutes. I turned my head around to him. He was looking into the distance. I lifted my hand and traced his face with my fingers. He moved his head to look at me, when I touched him. But he didn't recognize me anymore. As if he would look through me. Empty, like his life. Empty, like mine.  
  
*  
  
And so I decided to grant him his last wish. I lead him to his hometown, more exactly to the lake that used to be his harbour of refuge.  
  
When he approached the water, I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. I put my hand in front of my face to cover the moisture.  
  
It was over. I failed him. The only thing that was left for me to do was to let him go. Grant him his freedom. Grant him eternity.  
  
*  
  
He turned around one last time and suddenly there was that certain glimmer in his eyes again. His eyes shone, like they used to. And then he smiled. The smile which I learned to love.  
  
For a moment we just stood there, watching each other. Then he averted his gaze and began to walk.  
  
Out of my life. Out of his life.  
  
I closed my eyes. "Farewell, Seiya, my brightest star."  
  
*******  
  
He got astray, he told me. Didn't know how to find back home anymore. I took him into my arms and he sobbed into my chest, while I whispered quiet nothings into his ear. After some time he finally stopped crying. I pushed his black hair out of his face and kissed the remainder of his tears away. Silence engulfed us. And then the leaned forwards, brushing his lips against my ear. His voice was hoarse and broken when he whispered the words to me, that will haunt me forever.  
  
" What happens, when I can't remember you anymore?"  
  
___________________________________________  
  
I'm sorry I didn't put the Sailor Senshi in here or any magic powers, but to be honest, I didn't think it would fit. I wanted to show some moments between Seiya and Usagi.  
  
I hope you still liked it. And please do me the favor and review. I'd like to know what you think of this story ;) 


End file.
